Illusions

I have seen a lot of guys. “Seeing guys” in my times was a very arranged marriage syndrome. Not what it means nowadays. So I saw a lot of guys, courtesy my parents and relatives, who wanted to see me settled. My working and staying in a hostel was all so nomadic for them. I had grown up in an arranged marriage concept. The key being good looking guy, lots of his Dad s riches or Granpa s, diamonds to wear and some holidays to be taken. My Mom used to paint a lovely picture for me and I completely visualised myself at twenty one in a nice pink starched kota sari, diamonds in my ears, neck, fingers,and wrists too, giving instructions to the Maharaj. Helping my mother in law in lighting diyas in the puja room. Getting snacks for guests in a tray, wearing new rubber slippers at home and a nice low ponytail which covered the deep revealing back of the sari blouse.
I feel sad that as a child, this is all i dreamt. I feel sad that i could not or rather did not dream big. I feel sad that my whole existence was this much. Bonus would have been a five star hotel wedding. I feel sad that even in money terms i did not dream about a huge castle, palace or a mansion. I dreamt of a flat. I never dreamt about a fleet of cars, i dreamt about a husband driven Maruti 800. I never thought of chauffers or driving my Merc myself.
I never dreamt of partnership with my spouse. I never dreamt of exploring new places with him. I never dreamt of exploring new friends. I did not even dream of a great education. I never dreamt about the support i will be to my family. I never dreamt about doing anything for my Nation. I never dreamt about winning prizes or participating in contests. I never dreamt of raising my children well or being a great cook. I just dreamt that I would be an averagely good housewife and the rest the hubby s family name and wealth will take care of. I never even dreamt about the kind of guy I wanted to have my arranged marriage with. I just dreamt of the certain things which I thought were important to make my life go well. I never dreamt of my life. I just dreamt for some guy to say yes to me….

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Couples at Shivaji Park

Writing after really long and have some random thoughts.

People come into your life after a long gap. It is back like old times. And then they disappear, just like old times. Except that it hurts more, one more time.

I see the people on Shivaji Park at all odd times. My eyes notice the couples the most. I am always looking at them and forming a whole story about them. Most of the times i think they are in an illicit relationship.By that I mean , one partner is married or committed to someone else. Then i try to figure out the office colleagues, there familiarity and rapport is so cool, no coyness there.
I see those couples in their fifties and think they have no business of falling in love. Me at forty does find fifty old.
Then there are those couples married to each other, where the man wants some romance and the girl wants to crib.
The tiffin sharing couples are beyond my understanding. They are feeding each other, it is so like the Indian wedding albums. All have a picture of the bride and the groom feeding a seet gulabjamun to the other.
The guy is pawing his girl till the point he is not married to her.
The women are not reluctant about it either. Guess that is by mutual consent.
The whole world of all these couples exists in my mind. I create and then I judge their relationship.
Eventually it is all about love and I miss that point completely.