Envy

I went to drop the child to a birthday party of her best friend. It was at four pm on a sunday…. my peak siesta time. She was jumping from three pm all ready to go. With great reluctance I pulled my tracks and took a cab to drop her. The music was jarring for seven year olds party. I walked in and was struck by the mother s beauty. She was like a diva standing in a black gown with a plunging neckline and an animal print stole around her arms. Straight long hair freshly blowdried and set to perfection, so was the make up. God, these kind of women really rankle me.I feel very dowdy in front of them. My messed up hair tied in a bun and mismatched clothes and home footwear.Hey, I cant even walk in heels.

I always slot them in a bitchy variety moms, who have maids and mother in laws to raise their kids so they can go to the gym and the parlour and the kitty parties.I also try to justify myself about how I look after the house and the husband and cook fresh meals for my family. No junk food and all that blah blah. In actuality, I envy these well groomed mothers who have a life of their own too. Guess what,She even made me feel welcome and asked me to keep the younger one back for the party. Not only that, she went a step further and apologised for not inviting the younger one as she did not know Devika had a sibling. She then went to give the child gifts and chocolates. The child was equally sleepy and rejected so refused to accept the friendly overtures. She was actually nice so I decided she must be married to a rich fat businessman variety man who would not have time to even look at his wife. Well I was in for a shock when I went to fetch my child. He was like a Siyaram model , all manly flat abdomen broad shoulders casually dressed in a old t shirt and jeans. The new raymonds’ models are all those Goras corpo slimy sugary types. The earlier Siyaram models were all Indian. He even came till the cab to drop Devika opened the door for her and also asked her if she had a good time at the party. This was like the icing on the cake. All my notions about these rich good looking people had fallen flat. I was shattered and did not know how to react.

Then I go to the open day to school and it is a bigger shocker. All mothers are in smart day dresses, footwear matching, beads in place and the sunglasses perched up on the well highlighted hair. Twice in a week this kind of a feeling is not good for the heart. I am still seething with jealousy, envy and a few other indescribable feelings. May be green is the colour of the season.
Happy Holi

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Happy Valentine s

Valentine season makes me feel all mushy. Is it like this with couples who are married for long or generally with people in love? All songs from Ishqiya to Karthik to MNIK feel romantic, even friends with hello tunes of Mohit Chauhan feel so. I am happy and have been grinning for no rhyme or reason.
There is excitement dunno if in the newspapers or my mind or my heart.The gift is not yet planned. Buying stuff from the sale feels cheap. I am actually looking for a shop which does not have a sale. His arrival from Goa was like a whiff of fresh air. I opened the door with disgust, thinking it is the maid who is late yet another time by fifteen minutes. But it was him. He actually smelled of the sun and the sea. Though he said he barely got to venture out of the conference room to the bedroom.

Yesterday a friend got married and I could see the couple in love. So cool so happy and oh so together. All that one soul, twin soul, soul mates kind of words started becoming clear when I saw them. Another couple celebrated their forty fourth wedding anniversary and both were glowing in love. Their Son in law organised a candle light dinner for them. Look at his love for their daughter. A friend s hubby bunked the gym club routine and spent the evening at home. A friend and her hubby or rather a friend and his wife, send the same sms s to me day after day. That is love.A friend has gone with his child to Goa and that is love. All so pure. God I am sounding like Amul masti dahi- pure milk.
Today also being the day of Shiva marrying Parvati. May be we created valentine s day in our Indian mythology and then the west gave it a name and date. Both come around the same time every year.
With all this love , I have managed to burn the tomato gravy for the Rajma and by the way that is really difficult to accomplish. So am I still swimming in the clouds or am I just dealing with patching up the dinner tonight? Reality strikes.
Love Bites…

Mahabalipuram

Happy New Year…..A month late. My child thinks I am so funny. She just said how can you write one month late. I choose to ignore her whenever I have no answers to give.
I had a blast in Mahab for 10 days . Bringing in the new year and the new decade was wonderful with family and friends who became family so soon. One of them thinks Mahab, my own short name for mahabalipuram , sounds like rehab. He really thinks we all went for a rehab. Actually, detox definitely happenned. No i did not go thru cold turkey and neither did the family. The child who is reading while I write, wants to know, where is cold turkey? She says” Better tell me instead of writing.” I again to choose to ignore but this time with a smile:)
The place is simply wow . My second trip and to Pondicherry too. You know in 2003 when I wrote that I will visit mahab after the tsunami, I had no idea it would happen. Even when I put it on the blog from an old diary , i was looking at it as only something fictional i have written. Fiction becomes reality, so lets think mega fiction, mega love , mega happiness, mega abundance and mega truth.
Are there levels of truth? Will I move from mega to giga?
Do I really have a purpose in life?
Is there a higher purpose to my life??
Do I want to look at it?
Am I willing to walk my purpose?
Isnt life easier without Past Life Regression, Karmic Completions and New Beginings?
If I end the past, where will all the drama come from? Future??
What games do I play?
Who am I in a safe space?
Can I pretend to be something for ten days?
Dont I like playing in the sand and listening to the waves? Why dont I ever do it in Mumbai??
How can nature be so loving and kind for ten days in a row?
How can human beings be so mean day after day?
Am I mean?
Now what????

None of the above questions were answered in the workshop 🙂