In laws were against the match. Mother in law gave him a lot of grief.More so because her elder son had married a german.
I took him to Dhanbad after telling my parents. They liked him. Mom expected a zango disco type husband whom I d choose . SO her concern was he is too simple for you. Dad gave him a 10. My Grandmother, who is no more, also met him and liked him. We had a get together for all my cousins at home.
Then of course the in laws trauma started and continued right up to the wedding. After a year and half at Raheja, I was offered the position of Director of Sales at le Meridien. It was a new hotel in Mumbai and with a great salary and perks. I had heard that the bosses were bad but the money and position was too good to pass up. One and half years of roller coster ride had begun. Work was great but the politics was greater. No rules no discipline. just run on whims and fancies of a few. Learnt a lot. Was pregnant when they asked me to go in a very nice manner. I had served my purpose trained a new team and hotel had rocking business. I was 4 months pregnant.
Lady luck was on my side. By then, I had built a good reputation in the hotel industry and amongst corporates. So in the sixth month of my pregnancy I joined Park Hyatt Resort and Spa as Director of Sales. We had started negotiations when I was in Le Meridien itself. They were a great company to work for. The expats were amazing and really valued my inputs. An Indian interviewing me would not have ever given as job to a woman who was pregnant. Park hyatt was opening in Goa. Hyatt was really expanding In India and Park Hyatt being their top most brand, a lot was at stake. Saw the place from construction to launch. Spent a lot of time in Hyatt Mumbai and Goa, both where construction was in full swing. Got the team ready to handle the show when I went on leave.I had great set of bosses who really took care of me.
Quit when Devika was 6 months. They had actually allowed me to work 2 hours at office and rest from home. Then the annual contract of all the expats ended and a whole new set of Indian bosses came over. I knew I did not want to work in that enviroment and also that late work culture. i wanted to be with Devika and watch her grow. So became a full time Mom and house maker.
Went thru my own patch of insecurities , loss of power and money. Overcame that thanks to Landmark Forum and startd enjoying this new phase in my life.
Enjoying every moment of us sharing are lives with each other…..
Actually story mein spice daalne ke chakkar mein , Main spouse ke baare mein likhna bhool gayee thi.
So Jaideep is this quiet suave guy who just talks work with me. Never strayed beyond that. When i was about to change my job, the fear that he is a client I work for went away. I used to seek his advice for the kind of job etc. I was going alone to Bangkok on my first holiday abroad and he was so encouraging. When I quit my job at the Oberoi finally we became friends. He did his BE electronics from VJTI , Mumbai. Then he went for his MBA to IIM A . One never hears him talk about all that. Thank God one bragger per family is enough. We used to swim together every evening after work and then I d usually walk with him to churchgate before he left for home. Jaideep has one brother in Germany. He is married to a German and they have 3 adorable children.
At Raheja, I was the boss and my team members had to visit him for business. It was a bit funny. Now this was the time, both are folks wanted us married. We would discuss meetings with guys/gals and what we wanted from our lives. Remember he went to see a girl in Nagpur and called me saying what should I do. i said Say yes and then bawled my heart out.
He comes back and wants to buy me a ring or rather pay for a gold ring for me. I was like whaaaat? He is saying yes to another woman and then wants to buy me a ring. Once my good friend Priya said if you like him, you have to ask. Atleast you wont have any regrets later. Imagine meeting almost every day that he was in town but not being able to know his true feelings. Lots of meetings were at the airport before departure, coz he used to travel a lot those days. I really had to gather all my courage. Still remember the walk after the swim, I really prayed to God at a roadside temple under a tree. Just realised the other day that the authorities have razed that temple 😦 I asked him that look Jaideep I cant take the ring from you coz a ring means something. And if you are paying for it for the sake of it, it doesn t work. So is it that you want to marry me.? There I said it and pin drop silence from the other end. Mumbai traffic was never more jarring. In the end, he said I dont want to hurt you and shook my hands and said Bye. “Good Parul. atleast you asked and life is a gamble and atleast you played your cards rest is also his choice. mana kiya toh kya hua types”. Hostel aa ke toh bahut bura lag raha tha. But atleast now I knew his answer.
Post mid night he called saying can you come to the airport tomorrow morning I am leaving for Cochin. I said sure, it does not change anything between us. That drive the next morning was so full of trepidation. We went to a coffee shop and then violins played while i tried to cooly sip my fresh lime. He talked about his love at first sight for me. Me being a free spirit and from a business rich socio eco background. How all his family is educated and are working in jobs not business. How much adjustment I ll have to make and how tough it ll be for me etc etc….
One noon he came to office un announced and said lets go for a walk. Little strange behaviour but I was like ok. In the tree lined by lanes near my office we walked then sat at a Gayatri temple on the bench outside as the temple was closed. He put the ring on my finger and proposed.
Prem kahani ke pehla chapter yahan samapt hota hai….
Here I go on my Atma Katha. Since I have just finished reading Indira by Katherine Frank, I know all about autobiographical writing. Life mein juice ho na ho, life story toh mazedaar likhni chahiye.
Sophia college – 11and 12th std with science. First time in hostel. I was totally scandalised by everything. Then settled down to become he:). College I changed to Economice, Stats and philosophy. Did very well. Majored in philosophy. Was the university rank holder – 20th got a scholarship. Awards in college for best student.Used to do very well in maths right thru got 100 also. It is because the standard in Maharashtra for SSC or 10th std is very very low. Hostel was good fun, super friends, lots of masti, visit to 1900s and Cellars. Learnt a bit about the birds and the bees. Amazing relatives were a great support too.
Moved to Sophia Polytechnic for Travel & Tourism as MA in philosophy would not get me a job. Course was good but did not like the hostel though in the same compound.
Parents wanted me to be married at 18 and all the astrologers said the same too. So I had no plans of working or anything ever. Part of the college was training in various travel agencies. My first real exposure to the corporate world. Iwas hooked to being a hotshot at work.
Tried my hand at studying further but just wanted to work as by now I was in a working women s hostel. Came to Dhanbad for 8 months or so. Parents thought now she ll get married. Got me again to mumbai to see guys and I refused to go back. I said I wanted to work and all hell broke loose. By this time I was 23 and un married and now wanted a career. No Gujju man worth his business would want to marry me , Is what my folks thought. Well they were also bound by the societal pressures.
Worked in a research company called MARG which was topmost in India those days, moved to Elbee UPS as a sales executive based at nariman point which was the business district of mumbai then. Moved to Oberoi Group of hotels in sales and marketing. Had a rocking life and a super lousy boss. Travelled a lot , stayed at the best and enjoyed the best. Never socialised with the hotel crowd. Had my own sets of friends. Enjoyed life thoroughly.
Met Jaideep on work. He was just a business associate for me. My boss thought I should marry him. That was the best suggestion she ever gave me. Though I promptly went and told Jaideep what a b$#$h she was for suggesting that because you are from IIM Ahmedabad she thinks you are a good catch. Jaideep did not reply.
When I quit Oberoi and joined Raheja Group of hotels as Regional Sales manager heading the sales and marketing is when we got pally. We used to go to swim together every evening. By that time I had a car and a driver given to me by the company. First time I was the boss at work with a team of 10 people reporting to me and a personal secretary too. Helped with the making of Marroitt Exec Apts at Powai. First Marriott property in India.
can I continue in the next mail please. I am tired writing and bragging.
‘New post’ even the word scares. New relationships scare me. New nuances in old relatiomships are scary too. New clothes- I take long to wear them. New jewellery- I take not so long to wear it. New Gizmos- I never want to start. It is just the “wanna be”in me which keeps me a bit aware or updated. Otherwise I think new news has no use for me.
At the same time, I am some one who is constantly talking of giving up the old things, clothes, knick knacks, pictures,sheets, mugs, bags etc. Old wounds are also a part of this de cluttering process. Then how come one word from a friend and a laugh from a family member brings back all the hurt of fifteen twenty years? I was not even present that this existed within me. So much pain of my youth and childhood I am carrying with me and not even aware. In a fraction of a second, the cool calm collected Parul is transported to the scene of tears and betrayal of trust. Right now ,I am angry with myself. Everytime, I think I have healed and on a high. Life tell me, “Baby there is more to clean up.”
I am amazed how much the human mind can store. A smell can trigger a reaction . Like beef takes me back to my first years in the hostel when I thought I will just die with the smell of it cooking. Fragrance in a cousin s car has not changed for the last 20 years inspite of new cars and new car perfumes. The hurts are more potent. They come back when I least expect it. I am talking on the phone with a friend but my eyes are moist. I want to explain but am unable to. They all seem to understand except me. Some times the only thing I hear from friends is Aisa hota hai, chill and jaane bhi do naa. I want to scream at that point that if it has not gone for 20 years, how do you expect it to just vanish?
It is also not about forgiving others. I just want to be able to forgive myself. I just want to be able to tell myself, it is okay if you did not stand up for yourself. I do not want to blame the people I love so much. Can I stop blaming myself and loving myself? Can I accept the old and the new me?
Right now the answer is a flat NO.
Just could not bring myself to write more on money. On marriage, money was double but I experienced lack in my mind. We were earning and saving more, but there was no time to enjoy that wealth. Going to the parlour was also such an effort. It was like there was no time to spend that money. Work, work and more work. These are totally my feelings , I am sure the husband may have a different view on it.
Then when I quit working, I was not missing the money but the power the job had with it. Then struggle with power started or may be it was always there. Suddenly I was guilty of eating fruits thinking my Hubby works so hard the whole day and how can I eat without him or spend on myself. Like I said these were thoughts at that point of time. It does not mean, I was spending , buying or eating less. End of the day, we do not remember what we ate, spent, bought etc just how we felt at that point of time.
After Devika turned two I got that it is all ours. Till then it was that my child will turn five and I will get back to work and my money will start flowing in. I got that my husband is mine then how come I do not treat his money the same way.
So then I started enjoying money and experiencing abundance. I also had this belief that you have to struggle to make money. I was not particularly fond of Laxmi as a Goddess.Other Goddesses I was ok with. Did not like her pressing Vishnu s feet all the time. Though I do that too and willingly.
Again when I see someone travelling abroad, well groomed, nice house all the jealousy starts creeping in. Then I put it all to money. It is a blame game I play.
Lots has changed and I am aware of the games I play and the drama that starts within.